Introduction
It’s 7 p.m. The streets outside are buzzing with people speaking a language you’re still learning. Your phone is silent. You’ve scrolled social media so long your thumb aches.
And that hollow feeling in your chest? That’s loneliness.
You tell yourself you should be grateful — after all, you’re living in another country! But gratitude doesn’t erase the ache of not having someone to text for a spontaneous coffee, or the comfort of knowing exactly who to call when your day goes wrong.
As a coach for women abroad, I hear this story all the time — and I’ve lived it myself. Loneliness abroad isn’t a sign you’re failing. It’s a sign you’re human. And there are ways to navigate it without slipping into self-blame.
Why Loneliness Hits Harder When You’re Abroad
Loneliness is part of life everywhere, but abroad it can feel amplified. Why? Because:
- You’ve lost your built-in connections. No neighbours who already know you. No colleagues who understand your sense of humour.
- You’re operating in a different cultural rhythm. Even simple interactions take more energy.
- You’re missing layers of shared history. Inside jokes, familiar rituals, seasonal traditions.
It’s not just that you’re alone — it’s that you’re unknown in a way that can feel unsettling.
The Myth of the “Exciting Expat Life”
From the outside, moving abroad looks glamorous — weekend trips to nearby countries, beautiful food photographs, “finding yourself”. But behind those curated moments is the truth: daily life abroad can be isolating.
This gap between expectation and reality is one reason my clients often feel ashamed to admit they’re lonely.
They think, “If I’m unhappy here, maybe I made a mistake.”
But loneliness doesn’t mean your decision was wrong. It means your social and emotional needs aren’t yet being met — and that’s something you can work on.
Three Things That Actually Help
1. Rebuild Connection Intentionally
Friendship abroad rarely happens by accident. Instead:
- Say yes to invitations, even if you’re tired or unsure.
- Be the one to initiate. Invite someone for coffee, even if they’re just an acquaintance.
- Join communities built for connection — language classes, hobby groups, volunteering.
💡 Tip from my clients: Finding “your people” often takes meeting twenty people to find two you truly connect with. Keep going.
2. Reframe Your Self-Talk
Loneliness often comes with an inner critic:
“Why can’t you just be happy? You’re so lucky!”
Instead, try:
“It’s normal to feel this way. I’m adjusting to a huge change. Connection takes time.”
Self-compassion isn’t just “being nice to yourself” — it’s the fuel that keeps you trying instead of withdrawing.
3. Create Emotional Anchors
When you can’t instantly create a new social circle, you can still create moments of belonging:
- Listen to a favourite podcast while cooking.
- Keep a small morning ritual from your old life.
- Schedule regular calls with friends back home.
- Spend time in one familiar café so it starts to feel “yours”.
These anchors don’t replace relationships, but they soften the ache until deeper connections form.
What Doesn’t Work
Through years of coaching, I’ve seen what tends to backfire:
- Waiting for connection to “just happen”.
- Comparing your social life now to your life back home.
- Over-relying on social media — it gives a quick hit of distraction, not genuine connection.
Knowing what not to waste energy on helps you focus on what truly matters.
Conclusion
Loneliness abroad is not a personal flaw — it’s a human response to disconnection.
It doesn’t mean you’re doing life wrong. It means you’re in the middle of building something new.
Every coffee you say yes to, every small ritual you keep, every kind word you give yourself — it all counts.
Connection is coming. Until then, you can be your own safe place.
Ready to take the next step?
If this story resonated with you, you’re not alone.
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You are not alone in feeling alone. And you don’t have to stay here.
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